There's a thousand reasons

We all question, but in different ways, for example, people question your play with words, :), people question their God or whoever it is they believe in all the time, people question a million and one things....

My only concern... the questioning is negative, only when you are depressed, confused, unhappy - and so you achieve nothing out of it.

Amusingly, everyone needs something to believe in for their survival yet if they question, if they reason, it shakes their faith ... so we get used to sitting in our comfort zones and saying things happen for a reason... There is no reason if you can't identify it. :)

There is no blind faith without miracles and miracles are God's way of saying question it ... your life, your success, your dreams, your aspirations ... everything is for a reason.

Passion

In the time I took of from my blog, I successfully rooted on little desires that would dawn on my way home in the car or big desires, like- standing up for the right things and following through. Now logic says it starts with little steps. That's what I thought too, until I tried this:

No, not taking pictures silly.

1.) Spend some time along learning to be your own best buddy. Imagine the kind of friend(s) you are looking for and -- if you can be this kind of playful -- spend just a little time every day having tea with your imaginary playmates. This will help you to recognize the shape of your own new and powerful personal geometry and solidify it so you're not stuck acting out old pattern in a new situation.

2.) Along with your new (imaginary) friends, explore in safe and quiet ways. What alone things do you find you enjoy? Books, Movies, Art, Favorite TV shows, clothes, drama...independent of other people, what are your passions that you have misplaced or forgotten. In these you may find "everyday archetypes" in characters or actors or heros that already carry the new parts of yourself that you haven't found yet.

3.) When you know your passions and they are enough present in your life they will help you get going -- whatever it is, let it draw you on. If it's animals, you might volunteer and meet other people with the same passion. If it's Jane Austin, then rather than just any book club, looking for buddies, look for Jane Austin fellows. Remember that there are internet groups on ANYTHING.

4.) The funny thing is that when you find your real new "shape" = and can wear it, rain or shine, you'll just discover that you're in the midst of a whole new dynamic group . . . some people find to their astonishment that the new friends are their old friends who were just waiting for someone to lead them to newness.

The desire to embrace

I am all of this

How about you?
I am the itch and the scratch
the ache and the achievement
the choking rage and the "I see your point"

the desire to make a difference and
the desire to put my head under the covers
the love in his eyes and the longing in mine

When did we ever learn that we have to put down what's in one hand to
embrace what's in the other?

Now is the time to hold it all,
hold the fullness and
drop the struggle.

We are all of this. And more.

Only Human

So I question my awareness again. How do we love?... we imperfect, selfish humans. We're so bad with acceptance and forgiveness. We're horrible with asking for acceptance and forgiveness, honestly.
It's not that we don't have time to love. We don't want to love anybody else except ourselves. That, in itself is self destruction.
And it all comes down to 'truth is nothing but what we believe to be'.

Try: (v) to attempt to do or accomplish:

I may be ready to forgive myself for being forgetful. I may be ready to find the sweet spot where ease and self-mercy meet being awake and aware. I'm ready to be less comfortable pushing and trying to make things happen and more comfortable slowing down, checking in with my heart and noticing what feels natural and even (gasp) easy. I'm ready to become more comfortable staying awake to what wants to come into being.
Imagine yourself as the space in which trying or doing or efforting is arising. Imagine yourself as the sky, the breeze, the air, the room, the universe in which trying is like a welcome guest--there is plenty of room for trying in this vast spaciousness. Trying can be welcomed and accepted, not pushed away or judged.

In my Shoes

Ok, first of, many many congratulations for passing these 3 exams with excellent numbers. How did I celebrate? I went fox flying and quad biking! :D It's amazing how I am devastated one day and crazy happy the next. There were so many turned backs; the teacher backing out, mum going paranoid, careless siblings, helpless friends. And lets not forget the more frequent 12 hour power cuts, when I would immediately revert my senses to the candle-book scenario.
Point is, it all didn't matter every time I was determined. Because when we are determined, we're thinking clearly, with mind and heart. We prioritize correctly and know what is relevant and what isn't... We know when the time is right to feel something and when the time is right to let it touch us. I never knew I could filter pain and turn negative into positive in such a smooth stride. So why do we never trust ourselves, our instincts, our own perceptions?
Life is beautiful. It has always been. I just never stopped to notice. And I just started all over again. It's different and fresh. I'm beginning to discover so much about myself and my environment. And it doesn't tire me because I find myself waking up, my heart overflowing with love.
Trust yourself, be generous to yourself, spend a night stargazing and make someone smile. Take my word, you'll love your life, no matter how miserable they try to make it.

Self-Mercy

As I focus the lens of my new life, I'm aware it's time to choose to be more reflective, more empathetic, more strong to support what's emerging.
I could get all twittered-patted and embarrassed by my current habits--checking email instead of doing something productive, welcoming an interruption when I've only been studying for the past 2.99 minutes. It's not like any of these habits are new...

But here is why I'm not going to tie myself into a self-flagellating knot: the knot that self-flagellates is the knot that stays stuck. Guaranteed. Want to create a life that rides up like bad underwear? Then be sure and tell yourself things like, "Why can't you ever stop drinking tea, you lazy loser? Why can't you stop to alter some of the clothes you have been neglecting because they were a bad fit? You'll never change. How about having that cheese spaghetti from last night? That was a really great idea--not."

How about some self-mercy, yo? Without it, it's like being caught in a washing machine made in hell. You beat yourself up for what you are doing--or not doing. This makes you feel abysmal, which makes you want to check out, and that means you keep doing what you're doing and you don't pay attention to what it's costing you--round and round you go. You can also choose to flee into the dirty clothes basket of shadow comforts to try and hide the pain of being harsh toward yourself, which only adds another layer of soul grunge to the whole nasty mess.

Here's an idea: let's just not indulge. What a waste of time and you know, we don't have any to waste. Drop the thought that you should or shouldn't be doing this or that and instead ask yourself:

• Sweetie, honey baby, what one habit would feel really delightful this week?
• What one habit or practice or choice would feel as supportive as a personal chef, assistant, and massage therapist all rolled into one?
• What do I want to do to support myself?

Focus on what feels good. Put your energy toward feeling supported and upheld instead of taking another whiplash turn on the bad child merry-go-round. Make a choice lit up with self-mercy and then see what happens.