I could get all twittered-patted and embarrassed by my current habits--checking email instead of doing something productive, welcoming an interruption when I've only been studying for the past 2.99 minutes. It's not like any of these habits are new...
But here is why I'm not going to tie myself into a self-flagellating knot: the knot that self-flagellates is the knot that stays stuck. Guaranteed. Want to create a life that rides up like bad underwear? Then be sure and tell yourself things like, "Why can't you ever stop drinking tea, you lazy loser? Why can't you stop to alter some of the clothes you have been neglecting because they were a bad fit? You'll never change. How about having that cheese spaghetti from last night? That was a really great idea--not."
How about some self-mercy, yo? Without it, it's like being caught in a washing machine made in hell. You beat yourself up for what you are doing--or not doing. This makes you feel abysmal, which makes you want to check out, and that means you keep doing what you're doing and you don't pay attention to what it's costing you--round and round you go. You can also choose to flee into the dirty clothes basket of shadow comforts to try and hide the pain of being harsh toward yourself, which only adds another layer of soul grunge to the whole nasty mess.
Here's an idea: let's just not indulge. What a waste of time and you know, we don't have any to waste. Drop the thought that you should or shouldn't be doing this or that and instead ask yourself:
- Sweetie, honey baby, what one habit would feel really delightful this week?
- What one habit or practice or choice would feel as supportive as a personal chef, assistant, and massage therapist all rolled into one?
- What do I want to do to support myself?
Focus on what feels good. Put your energy toward feeling supported and upheld instead of taking another whiplash turn on the bad child merry-go-round. Make a choice lit up with self-mercy and then see what happens.